Deck the Garland, Holly Christmas Santa, St. Christmas....

yes, that's my 8 year old cousin doing a faux keg stand

Let me preface this post with, I love my blog because I can just talk about things I hate...

Anyways, It's about to happen. It's already happening actually. Christmas. Don't get me wrong I like holidays and Christmas counts, but MY GOD why do we have to gaudy it up? Tinsel is being eaten by cats everywhere, I'm about to hate the entire city/country/world, and I'm not going to be able to get mall sushi because people are out pretending to buy presents, whilst reality kicks in and they realize they are just buying everything for themselves (I support this). Here's a list of things that annoy me right now until December 26th.

1.) Garland. I hate garland so much.

2.) Christmas Music. Ok, I don't hate all Christmas music, because Mariah Carey got it right with "All I Want for Christmas is You," and we can all collectively agree it's the only Christmas song we really, truly enjoy...well, that and Dan Fogelberg, "Auld Lang Syne."

But the others: NO. No one likes hearing the punk rock Deck the Halls or Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.

3.) THE MALLS. THE EVERYTHING. GOD, BEST BUY. Everywhere you go you are greeted, not only, by red and green (which completely screwed up being able to associate those colors with anything else, other than Christmas), but you also have to deal with the worst thing to deal with, ever: People. Tons and tons of people. They are buying everything and running into you while they're checking their iPhones. Their husbands are taking up all the massage chairs and their kids are eating all the yellow gumballs out of the gum machine.

4.) Seeing everyone you went to school with. If you are like me and still live in your hometown (wah, wah, wah), you know that everyone leaves. But then they come back for the holidays and you see them everywhere: at the gym, at the mall (hell), at a Christmas party after you've been drinking too much eggnog- sloppy.

5.) The snow. I'm from Alabama, so it's rare, but when it happens we go apeshit crazy. Things shut down and I'm stuck in a house with family, eating old turkey. I love playing in the snow, I don't love being from a place where snow means we are not allowed to live our lives. I wanna throw snow at people, THEN I WANT TO GO TO SONIC AND GET A CORNDOG.

6.) People don't know how to keep the anticipation of Christmas going. They start putting up their Christmas gear way too early, when did Nov. 26th turn to the day everything should be lit and covered in fake snow?

.....my future offspring are going to hate me.