Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Bella Boots: This is Embarrassing

So remember when Twilight came out and you all went and saw it and I was like "that's dumb, no I won't go"? Ok, that's a lie and I saw Twilight, I liked it, and I was like I need those Bella Boots. They were Sorels, but Bella Boots sound more ridiculous... so anyways, now that I'm more a loser than before you read this, it's officially cold outside and I got to wear my ~Bella Boots~. First I had to find them and somehow that hiding spot was the attic? Why does it seem like my shoes just end up in very odd places. This isn't the first time; there was the time I found my shoe in the pantry.
Tank: Hollister// Sweater: Gap// Leggings: F21// Socks: Target// Necklace: Urban// Boots: Bella

Day after Christmas was day of seafood; oysters were had by all, and to all a good night. 

As per normal holiday tradition, tonight I will go to the bar with a few of my favorites and complain about all the tinsel that's still up! SOMEONE BURN IT.

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

So serious.

I will be honest, I haven't known what to talk about since my last post. It was so serious and rainy weather of me. Outfits are a good topic.
Dress: Crewcuts// Cardigan: Aerie// Tights: Gap// Flats: Jessica Simpson

Terrible picture, whatever, I was in a rush this AM. Oh yeah, that's a kids JCrew dress. Yes, I am 25 years old.

In more exciting Amber news: hair cut. After a full year of striking hair cuts, it took TWO HOURS to thin out my head. I love how she cut it, my head is lighter and so much less unruly. 

See what happened:  these first two pictures; since my bangs are gone my hair was just a cape, I was drowning in hair. So the best idea is to make a hair appointment out of haste. Luckily my salon had an opening and the girl that cut it was amazing. I think I put far too much trust in hairstylist and this time I did just that again. I told her I wasn't crazy about going shorter, but I liked the idea of playing with layers and messing with my bangs. She nailed it; I dig my new wig.

Now that you're up-to-date on my mug and hair... 2 days til work ends for the year! I need motivation.

Sunday, December 16, 2012

mirrors and reflections.

Breaking a heart is never easy.

Sometimes we have to face our own realization that two people just are not meant to be together. When I talk about my relationships on here I usually cycle back to a very prominent one, my relationship of 4 years, to the man I felt would be my husband. At 23, that's a very possible thing, yanno... marriage and stuff? Then that ends and you know that everything just changed and the next person you decide to commit to should be someone worthy, not just someone worth a moment of your time.

There was a man after that break up.

When my last boyfriend asked me to be his girlfriend, I was 24 (just a mere year after my most terrible break up) and I was fully prepared that this could be it, even after the first few dates we had. I committed my heart to this man, just as I had done with previous relationships. This was new, this was different, but I was never comfortable being my full self; that's not a good thing. I was happy though, this man was a great man, and someone whom I could love, I did love. To this day he holds a special place in my heart, but after a while I knew I could never satisfy this person, especially if I were to open up and be, what I considered, myself.

This "myself" was something I was new to as well, I had been single for less than a year... time is a real thing, it's needed. I was still trying to cope with a break up, a heart that was torn to a million pieces, and now I had to not cry over this broken heart, because I had a man that wanted that heart. The night this man told me he loved me, I didn't say it back.

During the next few months things were great, then it just... wasn't. Slowly that "myself" was coming out more and more, and the girl that man said "I love you" to in the parking lot of a take out restaurant was not the same. It was not his fault; I was getting tired of dumbing down myself for another person and I couldn't pretend anymore. I wasn't this person, I wasn't not this person, but I wasn't just this person he'd fell in love with. I was containing myself and it was killing me.

He broke up with me. I cried. It hurt.

This man and I continued to try and make a gray-area-relationship work (for months). We kissed and fought like we were dating, but there were those same issues and I was starting to stray. I felt my heart closing the door and I couldn't stop it, I tried so hard, because I did care about this person, I cared about his heart. All this and I still couldn't stop what was happening.

I remember the night I ended the relationship and how in that moment I had to face what was happening: I was breaking a heart. I knew there was no area after the grey, everything would be gone, and he and I could not maintain a relationship of any kind. I couldn't help think of the man that broke me when I was 23. This whole time I thought I was the only person going through pain, when here I was heart broken, but in the shoes of the person I resented for so long.

What can you do when you can't make yourself continue? When love just isn't enough anymore? I sympathize with anyone dealing with a broken heart or... breaking one. When I hear about a break up, a divorce, a lover that just can't anymore... it makes me remember what that empty feeling feels like, when all you can do is hope time kills the pain.

As I sit where I am, it's dark, it's quiet, raining, it's nearly two years after that terrible break up and I haven't had to break a heart in many months. Technically I'm alone, and days like today make me miss having someone to cling to, but it also makes me reflect on myself. You know? That myself I mentioned up there? I'm really happy I am it. Seems corny, but I love myself and I love that I can sit here, alone, in the dark, rainy weather, and be myself. I love that the people that surround me love that person too. I'm thankful for those people, and for the ones (even the heart breakers) that have helped me get to this place, in this coffee shop, right now, typing this blog post.

Friday, December 14, 2012

I'm wearing cats (again)

Dress: LOFT// Leggings: F21// Boots: Giannini Binni (eBay)// Coat: Anthropologie

So, this is one of two of my cat dresses. I don't even own a cat, dammit. I would own a cat, I will own a cat, I just can't right now; Milly is a little ball of energy and I have to focus on making her a little happy fur ball. She's still a baby and needs lots of baby, puppy, small child attention. I love her, she can have all my attention, I'm okay with that.

Today is Friday. Finally.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

the half turned page

How great is this image?!

Ok, this.

Just because you think you like the man you meet shortly after your serious relationship ends, the people that say "he's just a rebound" are actually correct.

Here's the deal and I hope none of the people I write about have stumbled on this blog, especially this guy, because no one wants to know they're merely the bounce back off the man that was for keeps.

So, it happens to me every time, because I usually refuse to contact or at least try and stay away from said ex-boyfriend(s), because really... what good comes of ex-contact, especially in the first uh, 5 years? Remember that whole half the time you were together bullshit from that terrible episode of Sex and the City that every girls refers to? I never saw it, but I'm calling BS. Anyways, back on topic.

So, in the months (or days: probably shouldn't have been dating you anyway) you're listening to Adele, sobbing, and dripping tears into your Ben and Jerry's after a terrible break up, we all have the right and desire to go a little crazy. We have weird thoughts and sometimes we just need company in those. So why not attach ourselves to the first male that has a decent hair line, doesn't shave his arms and will probably, most likely fall in love with you? Right?! I did this, well, the hair line was questionable. Dude was arguably normal and played guitar a lot. He was sweet, kind, cute, all the good things, but in the end I just needed a distraction from my everyday-crazy thoughts. Our ~relationship went from this is fun to this is far too intense to deal with when I'm still listening to Adele and have just started eating solid food again. Even my family felt bad for the guy, "He's really sweet, it's sad he's just a rebound." By this point I was thinking, well I like him, I'll figure it out, that blew up in my face. Apparently you are not allowed to vent about your previous break up with a current interest. WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME THIS IN COLLEGE (damn that programming class)? Also, confessing you're still not over the ex is a great way to end something if you want them to disappear for months. *Shrug* Ok.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a terrible person. I felt terrible, but my head told me one thing and I was still upset! You do unknowing, terrible things when you're 1.) angry, 2.) drunk, 3.) in the middle of forcing yourself over a good love. I had to learn to apologize, be alone, and talk to Just Friends about these things. That said, as the girl that had her heartbroken and then hurt a few people because of that, it sucks and hurting that guy was mean and cold hearted, but Thank Everything Good that the rebounds have moved on and are happy, I'm so happy for them (and I, because BULLET DODGED).

Tuesday, December 11, 2012


Cardigan and Tank: Aerie// Pants: Gap// Shoes: Target

Matching: Sowhatwhocares
I have zero thoughts today. It's the first day I feel completely not stressed out for the first time in a month. I'm going to use this time to drink overpriced Starbucks drinks and wear my leopard flats. Tonight I might even paint my toe nails and shave my legs. Well, minus the shave my legs part. 

Monday, December 10, 2012

on the weekend-go

Nashville was great. Did minimal shopping (yes, still budgeting), ate bar food, ate housewarming party food, played drinking games. Always a great time in Nashville, you all know this!     

In other news, I've been wearing too much legging as pant, not washing my hair, or doing it for that matter. I'm lucky to have my job for a few reasons, one being my lack of motivation to really wear real clothes. Having a job provides that extra boost on most days. Also I regret not buying that coffee mug; I've honestly never regretted something so much. 

Friday, December 7, 2012

I got Fall

Tank: F21// Cardigan: Aerie// Cord Skirt: Gap (Thrift)// Boots: Target

 ~Friday, Friday, gotta wear cords on Friday~
This is how I wear Autumn.

Today is a big day, you guys. A scary day, a day that my adult life is really an adult life. I'll talk more when I know more. Oooo... secrets.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Things I [dis]like:


Can someone please explain why it exists? You know why? Because at one point it provided me with things I would use. Now Groupon is a House Cleaning, Tire Rotating chamber of adult things and I am sick of it. I want a discount on a bounce house or sky diving, not a Groupon for half off the same Boot Camp class every month.

There was a light last week; Groupon. Hot Yoga. These two things combine. I pounced on it, read the fine print, etc. Well, apparently I didn't read it well enough and MY BAD. Well, I wanted to get something out of the Groupon, so I went to them and the owner was willing to work with me, the sassy man receptionist... not so much. He said AND I QUOTE, "I refuse to honor that Groupon." OK, BYE NOW.

I understand, I messed up, and I fessed up, but work with me. As a business you should be happy to work out a deal (and you have the authority to do so), so work with me; I know it's asking a LOT (sarcasm), but work with me. 

Anyways, I still think Groupon can be a bummer in most cases, but they did refund me the money I spent on that lame-ass Groupon without any lip. So props to you G-poons! I will not unsubscribe to you, but get some better deals... I can only love you for so long.

Oh, but I do need to share something I like....
I love you all. You are welcome. *Bows*

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

"Student Financial Services this is Amber."

"Yes, Brittney, this is...."


Closet Shopping and more vag

Cardigan: Aerie// Shirt: AE// Skirt: Gap// Wedges: Target// Coffee: Community Hotel Blend

So, the weather in Alabama is perfect... for the FALL. It's winter, and I am not one to complain about warm(er) weather, but I am ready to wear a coat again. I own too many coats to let them go unused. F!

I have to get real here for a second, because I've had a lot on my mind lately. First, vagina's. I did a post last week about funny-ha-ha vagine, but last year I had a cancer scare. I had to go to a lot of appointments and deal with lots of people in my bubble and then they said the word biopsy and cancer; being the worrier (and human being) I am these are not words you like to hear. A year and numerous appointments later, I have been cleared. It's kind of a celebration of vag over here in Amber-Land.

So, I'm sure you've heard enough about my lady parts. It's Wednesday and there's food in the conference room at work. I love food.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

That time I confessed...

I confess...

- I hate buying shampoo. I won't spend good money on shampoo, I don't think my hair reacts any different to different formulas of shampoo/conditioner; speaking of conditioner...

- I hate how soft my hair gets when I decided to use conditioner. I know the majority of people want soft hair, I am one of those "grass is greener" people who just want texture.

- I don't say "Thank You" enough. I have been working on this! I am so undeserving of the gifts my friends, family, loved ones provide (not just physical gifts), that sometimes I forget to mention that I am thankful for them.

- I spent a lot of 2011 being a bitter asshole; 2012 brought a lot of hope, happiness, sadness, and relief. 2013 will be amazing.

- I worry far too much.

- I don't know that I want kids. I love kids. I love babies. I just love that they are other peoples and I don't HAVE to be around them if I so choose.

- I feel like a jerk for not being sure I want kids.

- I used to put a lot of stress on getting married (Southern bred), I'm glad that never turned me into a green monster. I also realized that I don't have to take that step so early in my life and now... I live.

- I own far too many "Party Dresses" and don't go to enough "Parties."

Monday, December 3, 2012

Time to Wine

It's Monday, it's December, it's 72 degrees outside and I got 10 hours of sleep last night. EAT IT.

Seriously though, it's shaping up to be a sweaty Christmas, between the weather and the festivities. This is my first Christmas with a divorced household. It's been an adjustment, tbh. Thanksgiving was fine, because the times were scattered, but Christmas is shaping up to be a long day of possibly disappointing people. I'm already stressed, but I will survive. Speaking of stress, there's been a ton lately! I'll get more into it later when I can, but my dentist told me I was clinching my teeth. That's the worst, no wonder I've had reoccuring headaches and my teeth feel pressure when I wake up. Time to buy a night time mouth guard and really sex up my nightly routine. A girl in a night guard? Tell me you don't want to jump my bones just thinking about it.

Shirt: Target// Skirt: F21// Shoes: Guess [brand]

Friday night I went with a friend to his company holiday party. I drank a little too much white wine and danced a little too much. Just found out there's a video too; should be hil-ar-ious. I am one of those people who love white wine and by white wine I mean all of it. I feel like the older I get the more interested I am in wine over beer... Ok, I lied a bit with that, because I love beer. Anyways... on to things that matter, like Rich Cats of Instagram

oh! I also bought a bike. My old bike got lost in the shuffle of my previous move. I'm picking'er up today during lunch. Excited to finally get to back into biking, it's one of my favorite forms of exercise. Everyone, Meet Gloria.