Thursday, August 22, 2013
Arrived a little over a week ago. Things are calm and yet I'm winded. I haven't had time to think of this as anything other than a vacation, but I'm here to stay. It's gorgeous, I'm still in awe of the mountains when I'm driving to and from work / lunch. All in all: all's well, for once work aids in the normality of my new home. I've found comfort in my office, it's normal here, quiet, and I'm not constantly in site of a mountain range, sometimes I forget I'm in Colorado.
I miss my dog, my couple of friends left at home, mom, dad, and just the comfort "home" brought, but I'm so grateful for this -- ALL this. I'm thankful my 26th birthday gets to be spent in a new place... oh yeah, that's like, soon.... maybe I'll get my eyebrows done?
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Shirt: LOFT// Skirt: Francescas// Belt: F21// Wedges: Target
I don't match, I don't match, I don't... care.
I've never understood the obsession with Shark Week. Sharks are really awesome and i'm 100% scared of them, maybe that's enough to have a week dedicated to them, who knows. I really like salmon though, it's so delicious, oysters too... so good, really. I'd take a week dedicated to eating salmon and oysters over watching the same shark week programs every year? BUT THAT'S JUST ME. I'M WEIRD I GUESS.
Yuh Shark freaks............................
In other real Ambre news, my last week of work in Alabama is coming to an end and even my daily drives are getting sentimental. The things I took for granted are filling my thoughts, I'm missing people I never thought i'd miss... I almost asked the worst boyfriend - now ex - that I've had to have coffee to say goodbye? I'm seriously questioning most my true sanity lately. In any case, I'm attempting normal from here on out. Here, here!
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Emotional luggage. Baggage. All the above. Everyone has it, so why do we not talk about it? I can't tell you if it's better to talk about it, or keep the elephant in the room. Everyone knows it's there, so why does my heart sink when I think about the baggage of someone I'm seeing, casual, serious, FWB, etc.?
I remember when I found out a guy I was "seeing" (use this loosely - ok, fine..we were just (!) having ~relations) was seeing a girl on the side. I got so angry and like good girlfriends should do, they fueled the fire. I mean the smallest thing sent me into rage mode. Why was she in town, why did he ignore me, why did he text me later and pretend it never happened? She was his baggage and he wasn't willing to let her go, and my baggage was the emotional turmoil I was feeling at that very moment -- the anger of knowing it wasn't going in a place I didn't even want it to go? And yes... humans are confusing.
My emotional baggage made everything worse in the beginning, but once I learned that baggage doesn't have to harm me, I found use for it-- because let's face it, we'll always have baggage. People who don't have baggage are weirdos. Okay, that's harsh, whatever.
So I started using my baggage to better myself, because if I didn't use it to better myself then what would I use it for? First it just pissed me off [after the initial sadness, o'course]. Good start, right? Rage. Shortly after I went through spells of anger, sad, unsure, wtf am I doing, I'm obviously spiraling down to my ultimate demise...?
I know now that having baggage isn't bad, it's comforting to know you loved someone enough to allow it to affect you; it helped me learn a lot of things I needed in a potential relationship. I was so young when I gained this "baggage" and I felt its hold, I also felt it's release. When you finally stop allowing baggage to slow you down you can be your full self. I don't know that this is 100% true, but for me it was. I took all this from a relationship(s) that happened between the ages of 17 and 23, those are pretty defining years, if you ask me. I always compare it to losing my right leg and re-learning to walk, and that's overly dramatic comparison. But really! I had a lot of stuff to deal with and the last thing I was worried about was "bettering" myself.
In the end I went through the motions of baggage and it was healthy to go through those; I also found my way out and I feel stronger, more certain, and just happier. Sometimes you can't recognize a toxic (ouch) thing until you've taken the time to step away for a while and realize sometimes you grow up loving a person and sometimes that person develops into someone you might not love today, in real time... that's okay, that's life. Unfair, right? Sometimes the most unfair moments in life are the ones you need. Well, at least I know my unfair moment was needed and I no longer feel the need to dwell on those "defining years" they're now there to help me. I like that. A lot.