There are reasons you take photos off Facebook. I remember when boyfriends and I would break up and I'd delete their existence from my life; it was a healing mechanism, you know? like burning love letters or something. Soon, I'd get past it and realize I was left with The Lost Years. Not that Facebook is the only place photos can be stored, but in reality, I store a lot of memories on there, mostly because it doesn't bog down my computer.
There are reasons you keep them too; memories, you look great in said photos (ha), and the fact you want to remember that part of your life, because maybe, even though you hate to admit it, it wasn't so bad.
I was the -Keeper of the Ex Photos- during my last two break ups, they, however, were the deleters (let me tell you how mad I got about that one). I kept my ex boyfriends photos around because I knew one day i'd want to look back, i'd want to have memories of a love I enjoyed oh, so long ago. I keep these exes in a special place, because I'm no longer friends with them... no longer friends to the point... we don't speak. At all. This means these photos are all I have, the only memories, the only things that keep these people real, really.
I had this moment, scrolling through old photos on Facebook, where I hit the year! 2010. This was the last year of a specific ex-boyfriend, as I scrolled, I hit 2009, 2008... great years, full of hand holding photos and stupid faces, 2007, a stupid photo of both of us wearing the biggest shades available to man. I could go on. Memories. Good ones. Ugh, where was the photos of the time I cried, because... etc.
It's hard sometimes; never unbearable anymore. Don't get me wrong, my ex and I are over, we've been over for a couple of years now, I am past the hurt and past the crying. I don't mention him in conversations, nor do I think of him on Sundays when I'm laying in bed. I'm in a great place with my "Ex Recovery." Really- I have fully recovered... but, that doesn't make memories go away, it doesn't keep me from scrolling.
But see... then there's 2011, and 2012. That's another thing.... the good things. The times when you scroll and watch yourself make friends, meet people, love other people, and find a new place in life. I'm over my ex, I'm glad he exists, and I do wish the best for him; I also wish the best for myself, and THAT's what I do have control of; not him, not his happiness, or his well being... mine, and me? I'm happy, I am at a place where I can totally love someone again, be happy, get married(!?) one day and love that person as much as I loved the ex, plus more. I remember when saying I was "over" it was hard. I never wanted to say it out loud, actually. Then there was the moment I forgave him, then there was the moment I felt whole without anyone, then there was the moment laying next to a man that was not my ex and realizing "I could do this."
I don't know that looking before year 2011 will ever be a good idea, but I'm glad I didn't lose those years, I was happy, and... something that's even better? I'm happy now too.
Can you see dem specz? Either way those will be around more often, so you will see them. I like them as far as glasses go, I hate pink in most cases (trying to warm up to the color), but I got these last year and don't hate them. I got them after my second visit to the eye doctor and we decided on a light Rx due to me getting severe headaches after long hours staring at the computer (who knew), then never reallllllly wore them. Guess what! If these glasses will fix those headaches, I guess we'll get together more often, like today. SO glasses folkz, I'm in d'club now, what's up with those people who don't wear glasses? Weird. They just don't get it/us, yanno? It's a glasses person thing. YANNO.
Also, there was much hair cut to be had this weekend, I have so many feels about haircuts. I literally turn into a puddle when someone touches me, so when it's one to two hours of head touching... seriously you can't make me any happier.
Shirt: Target// Cardi: Aerie// Skirt: Old Navy// Tights: AE
+ Finally bought ski pants, gloves, and some neck thing for skiing in mid-March
- Haven't painted my nails in a week
+ Haven't had candy/cookies since Lent started
+ Haven't spent my whole tax return yet
there's a few more +'s i'm really wanting to talk about, but for many reasons can't yet. Soon. Hopefully.
Dress: F21// Sweater: Old Navy// Slingbacks: Marc by Marc Jacobs
So this one time I went to Savannah, GA & Tybee Island on a whim:
It was the weekend my friend, Sarah (Eli's mom!) found out she was pregnant. Her family and I were some of the only people who knew, then we told Joe moments after the above picture was taken (this is how he gets comfortable in hotels, btw). Then Savannah began! We ate and drank amazing things, took tours of the city, went to the beach and we shopped, we shopped so much. There was a Marc by Marc Jacobs store and glitter shoes were all I really wanted in life. They had them. I bought them. I wear them.
And that's the story of my shoes. Cool story, right? Sorry you had to sit through that. Here's some more Savannah pictures:
You know that moment when you're just so overcome with pure joy and happiness for someone? It doesn't happen as much as you'd hope, but when it does... when you feel it... it's amazing and takes over your heart. I woke up at 3 am to this on my phone...
Last night one of my best friends had her baby; he's a 7.5 pound, 18 inch, healthy baby boy. I can't tell you how happy I am for her. She's going to be an amazing mother and I cannot wait to spoil this little turd. He has no idea how many people are in love with him.
Seriously, you guys I started CRYING when I opened my phone. I don't even know myself anymore. I'm a puddle. I do know, all the sudden (as in the last few weeks), I have reconsidered my "on the fence about children" thoughts... and then this guy happened and my heart... I don't know! But I can't steal this baby, she's one of my best friends, you guys... but he's so perfect, I want him.
If you hadn't guessed, this is why my heart is so overcome with joy and happiness today. I'm just so... happy and in love... I can't even think how his mom, Sarah, must feel.
I'm not Catholic. I'm not really labeled in my faith, actually. I went through a moment when I was 17 where I had as much of a melt down as a 17 year old white girl could have. The whole thing was wondering where I fit in. I'm not a hardcore religious person; I believe, I love going to [a good] church service, I read books about the subject(s), and I want to raise my kids in an environment that includes some of that. That said, a lot of things in our society are surrounded by labels, from the people we hang out with (especially at age 17) to the way we decide to spend our Saturday night. My faith should never cause me to melt down and turn a cold shoulder, isn't that exactly what it shouldn't do?! I talked to a few close friends regarding the subject, I spoke with a youth pastor, I went to a few different services from Catholic to Non-Denominational, a church that had played electric guitar, a church that didn't sing at all... I explored my options, the labels I could put on myself (and I'm still exploring those options). I found a home with a church in Nashville, TN. At the time I was in a LTR with a man there and was attending every Sunday. It was the church I wanted to wake up for, the stuff I liked learning about, not everyone had a mega cool haircut and I didn't feel pressured to lift my hands (though if you decide that, more power to ya). That's the place I want to be in my ~faith~ the idea that it's mine and one day it's my husbands to share, then my kids; it's not my hair cut, or a cool drum set.
Now that I went far too deep and skipped over the subject completely, I'm totally giving up sweets for Lent.
Shirt: Hollister (I know, right?)// Skirt: Target (pretty much bought'um all)// Belt: Anthropologie// Shoes: F21
Today is Fat Tuesday and I should be eating etouffee in Monroe, Louisiana with all the people I miss terribly. I've found that most anywhere in LA is a great time, a small town kind of good time, the kind that involves really good company, really good pizza, and beer, tons and tons of beer.
Sweater: Old Navy// Skirt: Anthropologie// Heels: Urban
Let us pretend that second picture isn't blurry and that my skirt isn't turned. Lets also pretend I DON'T NEED A HAIRCUT. This mane is out of control, especially after I wash it (hence today).
Weather talk: the weather is great lately... or maybe my body is just being normal and not at a constant 75 degrees instead of the norm.
In other [exciting] news, I totally shotgunned my coffee this morning. Like, record speed, seriously, it's gone and I haven't been here 30 minutes.
In serious thoughts, I was talking to a friend over dinner and we started talking about our ways of "dealing with shit." People deal with things a lot of ways, and my way has been one of two, I either talk about it, get it off my chest (this is usually when I feel comfortable enough to speak about the situation/with the person) or I do the reallylllyyyllyyyyylyy adult thing and pull away, disappear and give up on said situation/person.
So once I had this friend that I couldn't bear to tell was making me feel weird, there was advice given (not the advice I needed [wanted] to hear), and a lot of "momma bear talks." During these times I wanted to cuss and scream and I wanted to be consoled and encouraged to cuss and scream, not talked to like I was 12.5. Big girls speak up and say that, I backed away and disappeared. Granted, it's hard to approach that situation properly when you're just pissed off and making a stank face throughout the time spent talking. Even to this day I don't know how I'd go back and approach the situation in a gracious fashion, but it taught me a lesson. Sometimes speaking your mind isn't a bad idea, because honestly people don't know. I had to sit myself down and wonder if I'd really know what someone was thinking, especially since I wasn't blessed with Miss Cleo super powers. Lesson be... it's probably best to talk about said "shit." Yanno, being 25 and all... adult stuff. Glad we can all agree. Kbye.
When all else fails there's this skirt and my wedges, then there's a sweater out of the huge trunk of sweaters... seriously, it's stupid how many sweaters I have. It's perfect weather to wear a sweater and skirt, sans tights, WHICH I LOVE. Bare legs, though whitest they've been in years, are way better than tight-covered legs. BREATHE LEGS, BREATHE. Now, someone come shave my legs 3 times a week.
Oh and tidbit: this sweater is probably one of the only "neon" things I own. Neon kind of scares me.
There's a good thing about the fog: it never lasts too long! This morning was foggy and I totally wasn't. I'm such a pansy when it comes to fog, I wish I could use my high-beams; same with rain... even with a little I have this strong desire to kick it to 60 on the wiper speed.
Shirt and Skirt: Target// Booties: Clarks// Jacket: F21
This weekend will consist of Tennessee, food (food, food! FOOD!), oh and Patterson House! The cryptic bar that I've been waiting to go to for a while now. The plan is, quite simply, to spend way too much money on whiskey cocktails and wear something worthy of expensive cocktails.