Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Thx 4 scrollin.

There are reasons you take photos off Facebook. I remember when boyfriends and I would break up and I'd delete their existence from my life; it was a healing mechanism, you know? like burning love letters or something. Soon, I'd get past it and realize I was left with The Lost Years. Not that Facebook is the only place photos can be stored, but in reality, I store a lot of memories on there, mostly because it doesn't bog down my computer.

There are reasons you keep them too; memories, you look great in said photos (ha), and the fact you want to remember that part of your life, because maybe, even though you hate to admit it, it wasn't so bad.

I was the -Keeper of the Ex Photos- during my last two break ups, they, however, were the deleters (let me tell you how mad I got about that one). I kept my ex boyfriends photos around because I knew one day i'd want to look back, i'd want to have memories of a love I enjoyed oh, so long ago. I keep these exes in a special place, because I'm no longer friends with them... no longer friends to the point... we don't speak. At all. This means these photos are all I have, the only memories, the only things that keep these people real, really.

I had this moment, scrolling through old photos on Facebook, where I hit the year! 2010. This was the last year of a specific ex-boyfriend, as I scrolled, I hit 2009, 2008... great years, full of hand holding photos and stupid faces, 2007, a stupid photo of both of us wearing the biggest shades available to man. I could go on. Memories. Good ones. Ugh, where was the photos of the time I cried, because... etc.

It's hard sometimes; never unbearable anymore. Don't get me wrong, my ex and I are over, we've been over for a couple of years now, I am past the hurt and past the crying. I don't mention him in conversations, nor do I think of him on Sundays when I'm laying in bed. I'm in a great place with my "Ex Recovery." Really- I have fully recovered... but, that doesn't make memories go away, it doesn't keep me from scrolling.

But see... then there's 2011, and 2012. That's another thing.... the good things. The times when you scroll and watch yourself make friends, meet people, love other people, and find a new place in life. I'm over my ex, I'm glad he exists, and I do wish the best for him; I also wish the best for myself, and THAT's what I do have control of; not him, not his happiness, or his well being... mine, and me? I'm happy, I am at a place where I can totally love someone again, be happy, get married(!?) one day and love that person as much as I loved the ex, plus more. I remember when saying I was "over" it was hard. I never wanted to say it out loud, actually. Then there was the moment I forgave him, then there was the moment I felt whole without anyone, then there was the moment laying next to a man that was not my ex and realizing "I could do this."

I don't know that looking before year 2011 will ever be a good idea, but I'm glad I didn't lose those years, I was happy, and... something that's even better? I'm happy now too.

All the best-

No comments:

Post a Comment