The Happinest.

Sweater: Hollister (srs old school)// Skirt: Gap// Flats: Target

Let's take one moment to dwell on how SHORT I AM IN THIS PHOTO SET! Luckily that skirt is petite so maybe I look taller irl, idek, probs not tho.

next.

I'm starting to wonder if I ever knew happiness before? Maybe.

I'm so overjoyed with life lately. Weddings. Lake trips. Friends. Hugs. Meeting new people. Airplanes. All of it makes me wonder if I knew what happiness really was during the times I thought I was the happiest. Maybe, just maybe, I knew comfort.

The List I Like To Be Long.

Things I am: 

Patient (for only so long)

The driver in my group of friends

The crier behind closed doors

The shortest

The one that can't make a decision on anything

The lover of girls with lots of tattoos, the girl with only one

The one that is still in search of the perfect tee

Too nice

Creeped out by men, easily

The kisser (cheeks, foreheads, lips)

A butt grabber
The one who likes to walk everywhere

Lover of all things furry

A self proclaimed non-local Nashvillian

Not good at phone interviews

Good at painting my nails (even the right) 

Blessed to be surrounded by people that truly love me

Still a bit broken hearted deep down

The one that over shares and trusts too easily

Proud of myself

Good at not breaking my phone

Open

Bad at saying no to favors

The one that will buy you a coffee

a sale shopper

The one that buys thin shirts

The coffee addict

The lover of a good Christian song

The one that likes hotel beds

Believer of equality, supporter of Gay Marriage

The believer that our faith doesn't make us a good person

The one that picks boots over heels anyday

The maker of friends in any situation

Truly happy
A best friend to more than one
Understanding
Easily annoyed before my coffee

Things I am not: 

Patient (after a week)

Able to stay out past 1am (and be excited about it)

Good at keeping a blog theme

Ace at refusing sweets
The best at wearing my glasses

Whether my "Things I Am" list is full of the good (furry lover) or bad (broken hearts are never that great), I always want it to be bigger, fuller, and broad(er). I want to be all the things, feel it all, laugh, cry, dance, sale shop forever. I want to notice it all, take it all in. I like that.

How to Forgive Someone for Breaking Your Heart. No, like, Really Forgive Them.

When someone breaks your heart there's tendency to make a conscience effort to forget them, but when we forget someone, does that leave room to forgive them? Not to just forgive them, but really forgive them and set yourself free of that anger?

This isn't a ~1, 2, 3, forgive and set free~ hopscotch to serenity. I has never really forgiven until about a year ago; who knew? I can't say I made a conscience effort, but I can say it took a long time, and when the day came and that moment revealed itself to me, it was so obvious. I was in church and we were discussing something so far from forgiveness, but when the music started playing and I started praying it was like a "bag of rocks hitting me in the face" moment. Why was my heart so hard? I had been holding onto the "forget" them that I forgot that my heart will not heal until I forgive them, not just kind of, not just a little, not even like mostly, I had to really, truly, fully forgive them. 

This moment didn't hurt, it didn't make me want to contact them, it didn't make me barf or feel incredibly happy; it calmed me. In this moment I felt able to become whole again, my heart wasn't un-broken, my thoughts were focused though and I knew with time my heart would heal more fully than it would without the forgiveness I was yearning for. 

Happy Easter!

I want to get a little real right now, because i'm overwhelmed with emotion this morning after Easter Service. I tuned in to my old church via Crosspoint.tv (online streaming) and sometimes I forget the church that made church a positive message for me.

Seems silly, right? Church should always be a positive message, but it's just not. Maybe I'm "wrong" in this feeling, maybe I should step into all churches and feel Jesus everytime, but sometimes I step into a church and couldn't feel farther from God.

Now, I'm not a uber religious person and in most cases people would probably say i'm not religious at all, but little secret... I love Jesus and my home church and being surrounded by that feeling of love [every Sunday]. I don't make the best choices, right choices, most Jesus-centered choices enough... but that's okay. I fall off more times than not, but either way I am loved and that is what I want out of a church, a community of people who know why I'm there and that it might not always be the same story and that I could have majorly messed up this week, but that doesn't mean I am loved less.

I believe in my faith, the hope I have, the prayers I pray, the life I live/love... and I love that. I love this life, this stupid, confusing, lovely life I have been given and to feel like I do when I am at Crosspoint is a feeling you don't always feel in certain lights. Crosspoint makes me feel warm, loved, and just... normal.

On Lent

Shirt: F21// Dress: Gap

I'm not Catholic. I'm not really labeled in my faith, actually. I went through a moment when I was 17 where I had as much of a melt down as a 17 year old white girl could have. The whole thing was wondering where I fit in. I'm not a hardcore religious person; I believe, I love going to [a good] church service, I read books about the subject(s), and I want to raise my kids in an environment that includes some of that. That said, a lot of things in our society are surrounded by labels, from the people we hang out with (especially at age 17) to the way we decide to spend our Saturday night. My faith should never cause me to melt down and turn a cold shoulder, isn't that exactly what it shouldn't do?! I talked to a few close friends regarding the subject, I spoke with a youth pastor, I went to a few different services from Catholic to Non-Denominational, a church that had played electric guitar, a church that didn't sing at all... I explored my options, the labels I could put on myself (and I'm still exploring those options). I found a home with a church in Nashville, TN. At the time I was in a LTR with a man there and was attending every Sunday. It was the church I wanted to wake up for, the stuff I liked learning about, not everyone had a mega cool haircut and I didn't feel pressured to lift my hands (though if you decide that, more power to ya). That's the place I want to be in my ~faith~ the idea that it's mine and one day it's my husbands to share, then my kids; it's not my hair cut, or a cool drum set.

Now that I went far too deep and skipped over the subject completely, I'm totally giving up sweets for Lent.