You come to realize your first love is the definition of what you consider happiness. It's the reason you spent those impressionable years of your life in a committed relationship, faithful, and happy. Another person doesn't exist and this is as lovely as love will ever get. Your heart is whole and you are open to giving yourself to another person fully, because you haven't before and after these years of wondering if you will find someone, you do. It's beautiful, magical, it's Disney.
It ends.
You're different than people that have never been in love. They won't understand because their heart is still whole; they are ready because they can give it all, you are ready because you've been so used to loving that you cannot wait to love again, because... it's going to feel that way again, right?
I slowly, but surely fell again. It was piece by piece and never too hard. I remember thinking I could love again, and I was lying to myself-- I could love the same love, but could I love another love? Someone who has loved before me, someone who has loved differently than me? I remember thinking I could love again, I was sure of it. Why did it hurt to pretend? He's so nice, so good to me. I remember thinking I could love again, he's the opposite of the love I know, he's different, everything my other love was not.
I remember the day I knew I could love again. It was too many hiccups and a few mistakes later. I broke a few hearts and mine was still trying to find the last missing piece-- but there's a light.
I hurt people in my journey and I never meant to, bringing someone on a ride that they were never aware they were getting on. But, then again, who turns down love? Even when the timing is off, or two people just can't find their common ground, who turns it down? We're wired to love love. It's awesome.
