Sometimes I don't have the time to write down my feelings and somehow that sometimes means they disappear in this weird place in my head that I only find on a long drive away from the city. Solo.
I found some this weekend, on a long drive, away from the city. Half solo. Half with my new-soul mate who happens to be a girl and happens to like to talk about things the way I do, without periods or exclamations. Either way I had an hour to figure myself out, who even gives themselves a time limit? I feel so surrounded by people lately that I need a time limit on my "figure your shit out" time. It was an hour.
I hit 30 minutes and the windows were rolled down and I was still listening to 90's Alternative on Pandora, because I knew if I turned on Todays Country I'd probably just end up in dream land like I normally do when I listen to too much country music. You know the place where unrequited love isn't real and your exes are waiting on you at the next stop and you don't spill your coffee on your lap.
I've learned that anger doesn't happen when the weather is so good that you can roll down your windows and drive on the interstate. I've learned that a new friend can be a savior from old ones. I've learned that I have best friends and they live all over the place and they are still my best friends. I've learned that sometimes being sad is a better option than constant disappointment. I've learned that I want a baby no matter how sticky their hands are. I've learned that a roommate asking you to hang out every night isn't annoying, it's amazing. I've learned that sometimes laying in bed and talking to a man that hurt you year ago can bring you comfort and an overwhelming desire to cuddle. I've learned that I might have to wear 14 layers to bed to feel the warmth I crave from another body, but sometimes I just want the whole bed. I've learned that first dates are still awful, but why not. I've learned that sometimes when you think it meant nothing to someone, it still meant everything.
I've been wearing my stupid glasses more lately and my headaches have gone down to less of a daily things to more of a weekly thing.
My weekends are full and I can't think. Sometimes not thinking is so good, but I'm happy with an hour.