I just recently talked to a friend in the midst of a divorce, it brought back a lot of feels I had about breaking up, though I've never been divorced, married, engaged... I've been in love?
I went through a few break ups in my life, i've been the broken and breaker. This once I got broken up with and it was the hardest hit ever, and then I realized 2 years later how much better/smarter/more awesome a person I was because of it.
I will say my story isn't much different than most you hear. I was with this certain person for four years and it was a great love, don't get me wrong. I, in no way, wanted it to end, was convinced I'd be married with babies with this person, etc. This isn't an ode to exes, it's not praising, or condemning them, it's merely a success story, that I'm really, truly proud of.
Ahem, sorry, let me put on my brag cap rullllll quick.
1.) Friends; So. Many. Friends.
I had maybe 3 friends when my ex and I were together, now I've got more than I know what to do with and even if they are not close, and just the grab a beer on a Tuesday night types... they are great and I enjoy them and we have a damn good time on Tuesdays.
2.) It opened me up (but not before I thought it closed me down).
For a split second I put on my "closed forever" sign, weeded out the possibility of opening up to anyone and sulked. Then I got up and put on my bossy hat and decided that one person isn't going to determine how I am. I am more open to living now, to friendship, to whatever shit life brings, and even love and stuff. I have gone on dates with people I never thought I'd go on dates with, I've kissed best friends, and stop worrying so damn much.
I thought I was confident previously, but today I realize it was a masked confidence; my confidence was masked by the deep insecurities I felt in my relationship. I can't express how much I love my confidence now. I feel worthy, I feel wanted, I feel sexy, and just... confident, and best part is not needing a man to make me feel that.
When you're planning for two, you forget about one. I had a life built with my ex. I had the curtains and the location and the plan. When you lose that, you realize how focused you were on the other person, when focus should be on you. I had to rethink my whole life, and it's the best time i've had so far.
There's more; there's always more good than bad, when it comes to this stuff (in my opinion)... but I want to say how thankful I am to have had my heartbroken (don't get me wrong, I was pissed, hurt, and just plain crazy when It happened). Hindsight is 20/20 and through all the craziness I know that the life I've got is not worthy of trading for what is past. I cried, I Let It Out, I talked to friends, considered therapy... blah blah. I went through the motions of being terrible, being scandalous, to craving love, to hating it, to loving myself, working on me, and therapy thoughts dwindled to retail therapy thoughts. I'm just... happy with my life.